Paul - I truly believe that it will work out perfectly for you. It may not be exactly what you want but in the long run, it will be right for you and my niece and nephew. You have a great solicitor that has guided you perfectly so far - everything he has predicted has come to fruition and he’s helped you pick up on her overseas account and the Brighton flat, which you wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

When all this is over, we really should think about celebrating. I know the Spring Break/Easter idea doesn’t work this year but maybe over the summer? Let’s at least think about it and make some tentative plans.

Love you so much. Hugs

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah

Just had confirmation from Kiran that he’s filed my Section 25 statement. We’ve stated every element of my case, updated my financial disclosure and provided supporting documentation. I’m feeling quite emotional - like I’ve laid my whole life and soul bare for the judge to see.

Kiran says that it’s standard that once we have Kat’s Section 25 that we should exchange offers to settle outside of Court. Of course, we have to see what Kat has submitted but Kiran believes that we have a very strong case and I should stick to seeking to remain in the family home and that Kat should pay maintenance and some contribution towards school fees.

Please keep everything crossed for us.

Paul

Paul - you are so up and down. Have you considered a yoga class? Sounds to me like you need to stop that brain of yours from whirring…

Let me know how it goes with Kiran - is this when you’re signing off your Section 25 statement? Big day!

Sxx

Thanks Sarah. I need a good boot up the backside sometimes. I had an email from Kiran confirming our meeting tomorrow after work so I’ll do that and then head to the gym. Maybe Rick will be there and we can have a beer. Tinker and Tucker will be home before I know it and I will have missed my chance to go out.

I may buy that dressing table anyway but do not want to tempt fate…

Paul

I get it. You don’t know the outcome of the Final Hearing and it’s worrying you. This is perfectly normal. Half term has thrown you out of routine and the children being away with Kat isn’t helping either. You have 2 more nights before they are back - can you go out for a drink with someone? Go to the gym or even stay in London and go to the theatre? Didn’t you say that you wanted to see that musical?

I understand that you don’t want to talk but there is no use sitting there worrying.

Love you

Sxxx

Hi Sarah

Sorry I didn’t answer last night but I’m feeling a bit down and didn’t want to talk. It’s been a long few days. Work is fine, the redundancies are being sorted and I am safe but it’s heartbreaking to have to talk to those that are going. I then come home to an empty house and feel even more awful for damaging peoples’ lives. It’s getting to me a bit.

I keep thinking about having to move out of the house. I saw a new dressing table when I went for a walk yesterday lunchtime that I thought would look great in Emily’s room. You know, somewhere for her to keep her brushes and bobbles and where she could sit and draw but then I thought that I shouldn’t buy new furniture until I know if we are staying here - or not. I feel like my life is on hold.

Paul

Hey Paul!

Just got up - had a very lazy morning with breakfast in bed courtesy of the boys then a long bath whilst Brad took them to school. Heaven.

Thanks for the update on the meeting. Sounds like you two have it all in hand.

Love you and chat later!

Sxxx

Happy Birthday Sarah! Hope the cards and gift arrived - we’ll call you later to sing to you!

As I don’t want to discuss divorce issues tonight, so here’s an update on my meeting with Kiran yesterday. We’re working on my draft statement - the Section 25 thing that I mentioned last week but wasn’t quite sure what it entailed. Basically, it’s an updated witness statement that sets out my case (including my current financial position, living arrangements, needs, contributions etc) – it is kind narrative story of my financial circumstances as they are now, how we got and plans for the future which follows some statutory criteria. It will take a couple of weeks to finalise before it’s sent to Kat’s solicitors - and of course, we get Kat’s statements.

It’s an important document, so we have to get this right.

Paul x

No sign of him apparently. They did the postponed cinema trip and played games. They said that Mummy was very happy and they had a lovely time.

You should have told them that Mummy was naughty for telling tales!! You have to watch her - fancy telling the children that they were moving.

Was Lover Boy there this weekend?

Sxxx

It appears that Kat has talked to them but told them not to tell Daddy. I reassured them and said that we MIGHT move house but if we do, that they would we would choose a house together and I would make sure that they were happy. I did tell them it’s not certain that we are moving and that Daddy wanted to say in our home. What else can I do? I don’t want them to worry but equally, I want them to know that I don’t want to move.

Paul

That woman!

Thanks for letting me know. They were a bit quiet but hadn’t said anything to me.

Paul x

Hi Paul

Just a heads up that Emily and Jack have told my gang that they are moving house on a call tonight. They were upset about “getting a new bedroom” and worried that they would have to leave their toys behind. I presume that Kat has said something.

Sxxx

...that’s because she doesn’t have to drop the children to school before getting into work. I didn’t hear her complaining whilst she was living there.

I can’t predict what will happen but I’m sure it will all work out.

By the way, I was thinking about Spring Break - fancy a week or two in Costa Rica?!

Sxxx

Hello

I don’t think Kat would lie to me, she seemed genuinely upset about it.

As for the houses, well… there was one that I liked but it would need a lot of work before we could even move in. The others were a long way from the station - I just wouldn’t have time to drop the children at school, get back home to leave the car before getting the train to work. The alternative would be to park at the station but I’d have to be there early to ensure that I had a space - that’s not fair on the children to have to leave home so early. I’d also have to budget for parking costs.

I can’t tell you how much I hope to keep our home but Kat is adamant that it should be sold and the children and I live somewhere more cheaply.

Paul

Hiya Paul

I’m pleased that it was a civil conversation and that she’d calmed down. That’s good for all of you going forward. But I have to be honest and say that I don’t trust that woman as far as I can throw her. She may well have split up with Michael but I’m not convinced. One minute they aren’t serious, then he’s at the kids’ Christmas play, then it’s two weeks in Mauritius during which they were very much together (according to the children) then a week or so later, it’s all over. I just don’t buy it. Tread very carefully. I think that she’s lulling you into a false sense of security.

But onto other things - how did you get on with the house viewings?

Sxxx

It’s true! When she dropped the children home last night she told me that the relationship is over and she’s no longer dating Michael. She implied that it wasn’t serious anyway and it’s not a big deal. The children said that he wasn’t around this weekend.

In other news, she seemed to have calmed down a bit about the doctor visit. I told her what Kiran said and she agreed that she would tell me if they were ill whilst with her and I promised to do the same. We seemed to part on good terms.

Don’t beat yourself up Paul. I would imagine that she didn’t stop to think that you’d taken time off work to look after them and that she has no inkling of the disturbed nights that you’ve had when they wake up crying. She’ll realise it after having them overnight and I bet she’s slightly more conciliatory when she drops them home tomorrow.

Don’t worry. Keep talking to Kiran and taking his advice.

Sxx

Kiran said that emergency treatment is just that, an emergency, and if a doctor says it’s needed then I have to put the interest of the child first and go with it. I should tell her as soon as possible, of course, but her permission isn’t needed.

It feels like I could inadvertently get something wrong so easily - tell her or not tell her, get her permission or not get her permission - and I’m really trying to do the right thing.  

Oh Paul - I feel your pain but I can actually understand why Kat was cross: if my child was ill, I’d want to know all the details too. The fact they are on antibiotics for the ear infection must have come as a surprise but as I type that I remember that she left them, not the other way round. These things are going to happen and she’s not going to know every detail of their lives.

What happens if they break a leg or need emergency surgery for appendicitis or something?

Sx

Hi

Just had a heated conversation with Kat about the children as I had not told her that I took them to the doctors. I felt awful as she seemed genuinely upset that she didn’t know. She knew that they weren’t feeling well - I messaged to tell them that Emily was at home and that Jack had been sent home - but she’d planned to take them to the cinema this afternoon and they are not up to it. She threatened to bring this up in court as an example of how I’m a bad parent.

I knew you’d tell me to speak to Kiran so I called him. He said that it’s not necessary to tell the other parent about routine visits to the doctor but that it is good practice to keep them informed. I asked him if I should have even taken them around to her and he agreed that it was the right thing to do - especially as she could look after them as well as I could - of course if they were bedbound or going out in the cold would make them worse, then it’s a different situation.

So there we are. I should have told her but she can’t hold it against me as I did tell her that they were unwell and I didn’t use it as an excuse for her not seeing them.

It’s such a minefield knowing what is the right thing to do.

Paul

Now Jack’s been sent home. Think I’ll take them to the doctors just to have it checked out.

Paul

Hiya Paul

Such fun! I had a message from Katie last week and her two are ill too. Must be a bug going around as they had earache and sickness too. Hope she feels better soon! Send her lots of love from her Auntie Sarah!

It’s not a bad idea to look at the current houses for sale - as Kiran told you, at least you will have a clear reason for why they are not suitable and you may find somewhere that you really like.

Head up and keep smiling!

Sxx

Hi Sarah

I’ve got Emily at home with me today - she was up most of the night complaining about earache and feeling sick. Jack’s gone in and I’m hoping he doesn’t come down with anything too. They’re with Kat this weekend and I’m going to have a look at some of these “alternative accommodation” properties - just in case Kat wins her bid to get me to sell the house.

Paul

To be honest, I feel very comfortable with how things are at the moment. I know that Kiran is keeping things moving along and we are focused on the court case in March.

Chat to you later.

Paul

Good to hear that you’re feeling positive. Is it worth contacting Kiran, just to keep things moving forwards? You know, capitalise on the good energy?!

Sxxx   

Thanks Sarah- it was really good to see you all and I feel quite positive about the future after a lovely Christmas. The children seem far more relaxed too (a fortnight on the beach helped!) and Kat was quite pleasant when she dropped them home.

I really believe that things will work out. I picture us all in this house, maintaining our routine and generally getting life back onto an even keel.

Thank you for your ongoing support. I do appreciate you.

Paul    

Hey Paul!

It’s just come up on my feed that January is Divorce Month! I’ve never heard that expression before but apparently more people are likely to decide that they want to divorce in January than during other months! I suppose that they stay together over Christmas and then make a New Year’s Resolution. At least you’re ahead of the game…!

It was so good to spend time with you over Christmas - thanks for putting up with my rabble. Hope things at work settle down for you and you get some reassurances very soon. Stability would be the best thing for you at the moment.

Chat soon

Love you!

Sarah

Sarah - the drama continues.

Kat spoke to the children last night and told them that Daddy had stopped her from taking them away and now she wasn’t allowed to go on holiday with them. She also said that I’m not allowing them to see her on Christmas Day. They were sobbing. I had to gently explain that Mummy obviously didn’t know that Auntie Sarah was coming over when she suggested the holiday, and now that she does, she’s changed her mind as she wants them to see their cousins.

Once they were settled in bed I called Kat. She’s not getting away with saying things like that. She was all defensive and insisted that the children must have misunderstood what she said. I don’t believe that for an instant.

She also told me that she’s still going to take them to Mauritius and rather snakily asked if she would be allowed to have them from 28th December. I know that you will still be here but we will have had Christmas together.

Paul

Paul

Let’s take this as a positive and enjoy our Christmas together.

Sx

The court has rejected her application. Kiran submitted the emails between the children and your boys, and your flight booking, to show that these plans have been in place for some time. He argued that because of this, and the fact that I am their main carer and Kat’s holiday suggestion came so late in the day, they ruled in our favour.

Kiran has offered that Kat has the children on Christmas Day for a few hours but she rejected this. I will never understand why she doesn’t want to see her kids on Christmas Day. I wonder if she will still go away but without them? Kiran also had to offer her Christmas Day next year.

Relieved. Paul

You won’t believe this. Kat’s applied to the courts - she wants to take them from 20th December - 3rd January. Exactly the time you are here.

Hi Sarah

Kiran pointed out that I had the children last Christmas Day so technically, it is her turn to have them but taking them away like that, without consultation with me, is inappropriate. He has written to her solicitor saying she can’t take them out of the country at that time as we have planned for family to visit.

Fingers crossed.

Paul x

I haven’t spoken to him. I’ll email him now and speak to him tomorrow. The children are devastated - she told them about the holiday before speaking to me.

What does Kiran say?

She’s got the passports and there’s nothing I can do. She’s ruined everything. 

Hi Paul.

Well she can’t have them, can she? You already have plans. The children have plans - you know that they’ve been messaging each other about the Winter Wonderland trip, ice skating, Christmas Eve and the panto… you have to say no.

Who’s got their passports? 

Sarah x

Hi Sarah

Kat wants to take the children to Mauritius over Christmas - departing on 20th December. She knows you’re coming over. I knew she would do something to try to hurt me. She says the flights are booked.

Paul

We’ll be there soon and I can answer the phone to her! Don’t worry about the children, they’re excited about Christmas; things will calm down. Their Auntie Sarah will talk to them and help.

xxxx

Hello Sarah

Yes… that’s the third one now. She is furious with me for not giving in to her and is completely spoiling the children as a way of getting back at me. She’s promising them everything that they ask for Christmas and trips here and there. They are wound up into a state of nervous anticipation everytime she calls to find out what she will offer next - and she can barely speak a civil word to me.

I would laugh but I can see the potential damage to the children and that worries me.

Paul

Hey Paul!

Just sorted out the children’s presents - only a month until we are with you. Cannot wait!

Have you had any more angry phone calls from Kat? Is everything else OK? 

Sxx

I hope to goodness that you’ve told Kiran about all this? That’s two weekends on the spin that she’s abandoned her children and it hardly shows her as the “model mother” that she paints herself in those Court documents. Her selfishness overwhelms me.

How are the children? I bet they are really upset. Not that they are not happy with you but it’s over a month now since they’ve seen their mother. That’s heartless.

I wish I was closer to come and give you all a helping hand - and a huge hug. Call me, Paul.

Sxxxx

Morning (well, for me!)

She is certainly playing hardball. You must be shattered. Email me after you’ve seen the judge again. I know you don’t want to go to court over this but it’s looking increasingly likely that you will need to.

She’s a fool you know. All this is going to cost her a lot more than if she makes a sensible deal with you - a fair deal.

Update #6

We’ve been negotiating now for over 4 hours and I’m exhausted. She is saying that she’s not in a committed relationship with her boyfriend and therefore, needs all of HER money for living expenses. So we are no further forward than when we started this morning. My barrister has requested that we see the judge again.

Update #4

Nearly two hours of negotiation and there is some movement. Kat has suggested that I keep the house until the children have finished school after which she gets 50% of the value of the house. She also says that whilst she’ll pay some child maintenance, there is no spousal maintenance and we have to take the children out of their private school.

Kiran does not believe that it is not a fair deal whichever way I look at it. I will be bringing up the children, and have enabled her to build her career and will facilitate her maintaining it. I have rejected the offer and proposed that we keep the house, receive spousal and child maintenance and the children remain in private school, as per the judges indication.

Update #3

We’ve seen the judge and she’s listened to both sides. She hasn’t passed any judgements but she has given her ‘indication’: the legal viewpoint that we should use as a basis to agree a settlement between us. It is good news. She endorsed Kiran’s opinion that I should stay in the house as she can see a clear benefit for the children remaining in the family home. She also indicated that Kat should continue to pay their school fees.

It’s now over to us to negotiate and try to find a way forward. I hope this will be a quick process now we have a judge’s opinion.

Update #2

Kat’s not interested in negotiating. My barrister has just spoken to hers and there is no movement whatsoever. We’re waiting to see the judge to get an indication of what we should be agreeing between us.

Hi Sarah - update #1

Arrived just before 9am so we’ve had an hour to have a coffee and talk. It’s the same court in Watford - a bit claustrophobic but we secured a meeting room so could re-review the documents in peace before the 10am start time.

Kat arrived about 10 minutes ago. She looked flustered and I’m fairly sure that it’s a different solicitor and barrister to the team she had last time. They were too late for a room so are currently sat huddled in the waiting room with a coffee from the machine, which I’m told is disgusting. She doesn’t look very happy but she’s got her determined face on.

Paul

Update #5

She’s now saying I get 75% of the value of the house when the children reach 18 years. Kiran says 90% but that the maintenance and private school is non-negotiable.

YES!!!!! calling you now! xxx

We’re going to court. The judge has listed us for a 2 day hearing at some point in the new year as we can’t agree a settlement between us. I really didn’t want this but Kiran thinks we are on firm ground now we have the judge’s direction and it concurs with our proposal. It was clear that the judge was frustrated that we hadn’t managed to agree and that Kat wasn’t budging despite the guidance.

The judge reviewed the maintenance provision and agreed both spousal and child maintenance were fair and should continue along with the school fee payments. She also said that in light of us going to court, Kat needed to pay more each month for my legal fees - this is money that is paid directly to SA Law. Kat was obviously not happy as she stormed out of the court building when we were released. I think she’s realised the financial cost of this - she’s stuck to her guns but it’s going to cost her more now she has to pay for a court hearing.

Paul

I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow. Keep in touch - send me updates throughout the day. I’ll keep my phone next to me.

Sending you all the best wishes in the world,

Sarah xx

Calm yourself down and think about something else - anything on TV that will distract you? Hot milk and chocolate biscuit may help?

I’m with you in spirit. Call me if you wish but I think you’re better off trying to sleep.

You won’t need it, but good luck for tomorrow… you’ve got the best legal team behind you.

Sxxx

Thank you Sarah. Just can’t get to sleep tonight. All those property details are going round and round in my head. I cannot bring myself to like any of them - and they are so far out of town that there is no way I can get into work.

I am not afraid to say that I am worried sick.

Dearest Paul

I understand. I really do. But this is the worst case scenario that you are detailing. Trust Kiran and your barrister. Trust the courts.

I’ll call you later.

x   

I am Sarah, I am. The children is what this is all about. I don’t care where I live but I need them to be happy and secure - and for it to be practical to get them to school too. At the moment, I can get them there for breakfast club and catch a train to work. If we have to move, I won’t be able to do this. I could look for a job in St Albans but this would mean a pay cut, which Kat would have to cover via maintenance. This insistence on selling the house will adversely impact all of us and there is just no need for it.

I am worried about the house more than anything.

Paul

I’ve been thinking about your email and you know that Kat’s actions simply highlight the difference between you both? She is focussed on protecting her business and her income whereas you are predominantly concerned about your family; ensuring that you have a home and the resources to maintain their lifestyle so your children are not impacted by their parents divorce.

This is a role reversal of what we perceive to be the norm when the woman fights for her family and the husband for his money but I’m sure that you are not the only man in this position.

Keep fighting for what is right for the children - as long as you are focused on them (and you keep checking in with your family, friends and the indispensable Kiran to keep you honest) it will work out. I’m sure of it.

Love you.

Sxxx

Evening Sarah.

Back from the pre-FDR conference. We met at the SA Law offices in Wimpole Street, which meant that I could go to that meeting in London this morning and head over later.

We have secured the services of the same barrister that we used last time so I’m relieved that I don’t need to repeat my whole sorry story - which is now quite long and complicated judging by the size and number of files that Kiran has on me. I have generated a lot of paperwork over the past year. We revised a number of the details of the case. At one point I mentioned the children’s schooling and our previous battles over state vs private schools and Kiran went straight to the relevant documents buried in file number 3. That man has an almost forensic knowledge of my life, which is strangely reassuring. It really feels like he is MY lawyer acting purely in my best interest.

As for the meeting, it was really to ensure that we are all clear on the facts and requirements: it gave us the opportunity to ask direct questions of each other, face-to-face. Kiran reiterated the best and worst case scenarios that I can expect from my divorce and has set me homework to look at alternative properties in the area in case I have to sell the house. This is the part that concerns me the most. I know that it’s worse case but it’s still a possibility.

Interestingly, the benefit of employing a forensic accountant was proved. Kat undervalued her business by around £250,000 - add to this the value of the Brighton flat and suddenly this has a huge potential impact on finances. No wonder Kat questioned what we would gain by using an expert - one she had to pay for.

I travelled back to St Albans with Kiran so we had time to chat further after the meeting. He believes that our hearing will take the whole day: after the judge has indicated our legal position, we will need to negotiate with Kat’s team in earnest. He thinks that Kat will simply ignore the judge’s direction. I hope that he’s wrong.

You know, Sarah, Kiran’s the sort of guy I’d like to share a beer with when this is all over.

Paul. 

Paul - it was good to talk and I hope it’s helped you relax enough to get some sleep.

I was thinking about our conversation and you mentioned that Kiran was preparing a new application for Kat to pay your ongoing legal fees? That’ll teach her to make you a ridiculous settlement offer - and asking for more money for legal costs will hit her where it hurts.

You know, Kiran is obviously preparing to fight for you tooth and nail and I think that you need to trust his judgement. He’s been right so far about how she’d react and how to handle things and if he said to you that this sort of Settlement offer was only to be expected because of how she is, then he will know how to handle it.

Talk to Kiran again tomorrow - do it before work as you’ll worry all day otherwise. He’ll know what practical things you can do and his advice will be far more sensible than mine. I just want to phone her up and tell her what I think of her, which won’t help anyone at all. Let me know what he says and I’ll call you again when the kids are at school.

Love you.

Sarah xxx

Kiran said the same thing - she’s just trying it on - but I’m still worried sick. What if the judge agrees? I’m going to phone Kiran again tomorrow but I won’t sleep tonight. This is awful.

Why is she being so heartless?

Paul - I am not surprised. She forgets that the only reason she earns more than you is because you are the main carer of her children AND you have successfully run the household and run around after everyone, freeing her up to run her business and manage her NHS career.

All you asked for was a home and enough maintenance to cover the household and children’s expenses. Hardly any spousal maintenance despite my protestations that you deserve something for yourself. Don’t stress. This is unrealistic.

Sxx

Hi Sarah

The next thing… we’ve swapped Settlement Offers in an attempt to sort things out before the FDR. We are miles apart. Kat wants us to sell the house and split it 50:50; keep the business in its entirety, share the childcare and, therefore, not pay any maintenance, and share the cost of the children’s school fees.

If I accept this, I can’t afford to live. We will have to move out of Hertfordshire, let alone St. Albans. I can’t believe that she is doing this to us.

Because this is how she is. I’m going to call you when the boys are at soccer.

Sxxx 

Hi - Kat’s cancelled the children again. Michael is ill and she doesn’t want the children to catch anything.

I was rather surprised but I guess these things happen. it’s made things difficult though as I’m away for work on Monday so Kat was supposed to be having them this weekend and then bringing them up here and staying overnight on Sunday with them and taking them to school. I need to find a workaround - I can’t miss Monday’s meeting.

Paul

Really? She’s chosen her lover over her children? Can’t he go to a hotel for the weekend? Or can’t she take them away somewhere if he’s too ill to leave their apartment?

Honestly… that woman.

Emily and Jack will be so excited to see their cousins. I haven’t spoken to Kat about Christmas yet but I’ll mention it when she has the children next.

Things are slowly coming back together. Work is good, we are still living in our home, the maintenance payments are being made (the additional uniform and piano money appeared in the account) and school fees have been paid for next term too. I know that the FDR is still looming but we’re in a good place for the moment. Your news is the icing on the cake as far as I’m concerned (as long as you don’t mention the cricket!)

Paul

Great! and in other wonderful news...we’re coming over for Christmas! Flights are booked and we can’t wait to celebrate with you. Christmas is always so much more fun in England than over here.

Sxx

Hi Sarah

Just a quick one to say that work has granted me exceptional additional leave to attend the FDR and the planning meetings beforehand. They have been so supportive throughout the separation and as I don’t have to take the time as annual leave means I have enough holiday to take those extra days at Christmas.

Relieved of Herts here!

P x

...you are right! Another irate phone call late last from Kat night accusing me of hounding her for money. I pointed out that I only want enough for the children not to be impacted by her leaving us. For once, I played on her guilt as I reminded her that she had still not put the extra money that they needed to pay for Jack’s new school uniform and Emily’s piano lessons at school. She rang off very quickly after that but not before telling me that she’s been called away to consult on a difficult case this weekend so she can’t have the children.

She is a different person these days.

Paul.

She is a nightmare: I bet your ears burn as she criticises you for grasping at her hard-earned millions!

Did she mention the book deal? I can’t wait to read anything that she’s written! I can only imagine that she hates you knowing about the £40k: why else would she have “forgotten” to mention it in her disclosure documents?!

You are best off well away from her and the sooner this hearing is out of the way and the financial payments agreed, the better. You will finally be able to move on and create a new life for yourself with someone who respects and loves you. Enjoy this unexpected additional time with the children…

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah

Just back from another very enlightening meeting with Kiran.

When Kat’s team admitted that they have a copy of her aunt’s will, Kiran requested to see it. This has now arrived and it clearly states that Kat receives the flat. As probate won’t be completed until after our court date to agree our financial split, Kiran now has an agreed valuation, which will go into the marital pot for consideration by the court (minus inheritance tax). I have to say, he has managed my expectations though! I shouldn’t expect to receive half of its’ value but the flat will be seen as an additional financial resource that Kat can draw upon if she needs it - and in turn, bolsters my request for maintenance.

By the way, she received an £40,000 advance for her book! Kiran is making a case for future earnings as the training and experience she needed to get this deal was gained during our marriage.

Our financial hearing is on 10th November.

Paul 

Paul

Thanks for sharing this information so clearly - I can hear Kiran’s voice in your words!

I think is great news! She can’t just hide money from you. I know that you probably don’t even want money from the flat but you and your children deserve to have a share of it in whichever way that happens. She is their mother after all and you do the majority of the childcare. Just because your traditional roles are reversed, it doesn’t mean that you should miss out.

I bet Kat isn’t happy about having to reveal all this!

S ;) x

Still nothing. Kiran is frustrated too. He’s drafted the court application and is sending it to them with a message that they have 24 hours to respond otherwise the application will be filed.

In other news, Kat has sent the children a teddy bear each in the post with a thank you note for her birthday card and present. The kids think it’s Christmas and are so happy to hear from Mummy.

Paul

She’s buying their affections - how tasteless.

Keep that chin up Paul and trust Kiran. He won’t let her get away with anything and you are one step closer to knowing what is really going on in that business of hers. She’s always been a bit secretive about things in my mind. I am convinced he will discover something.

You need to throw yourself into work and get back on top of things there. You’ve had a lot of distractions recently and planning for the next year will make a big difference to your well-being.

Is Tim around next weekend? Is he up for a night out?

Sxx 

Hi

An update. Nothing from Kat about school last week. The parents were questioning me about it at the social evening but I had nothing to tell them. No-one has heard from her so goodness knows what she’s doing but they have started to put two-and-two together and it doesn’t place Kat in a good light at school.

Nothing back from her solicitors either. Kiran says that we’ve given them enough time to respond so he’s now written threatening a court application. He believes that they will respond fairly promptly.

Paul

You won’t be surprised by this message. Kat didn’t turn for Jack’s morning session. I had a call from Cassandra and luckily, I was working from home as there was an issue with the trains so I could head up there and be with him. His face when I walked in was wonderful. Cassie said he’d been so upset when there wasn’t a parent there for him.

She may well be in Mauritius… I just don’t get it or her any more. We’ve not heard anything back from her solicitors about the book deal, the bank accounts nor the flat. And now she lets her children down. She’s not the woman I married and I’m disgusted by her behaviour. I don’t understand why she doesn’t understand that her actions are impacting the children.

Kat is completely out of order. I get that she’s annoyed with you but to not turn up for Jack is not acceptable. What’s her excuse?

Maybe she’s flown over to Mauritius to count her money?!

Sxx

I won’t go to school but I will do the social. Laura and Cass will keep an eye on Jack for me and I can see Kat’s point that Jack will want to be with me if we’re both there. She can do the morning slot and then she’ll be happy - I hope.

Paul

Oh Paul - that ex of yours is horrid. Are you going to school?

Sxxx

We’ve opened a can of worms here. I’ve just had a very irate Kat yelling down the phone at me because I’ve dared to question her when she had already told me the flat had been left to her mother. She was livid and said some quite hurtful things. I didn’t yell back - Kiran indicated that I might get a call as in his experience, the party that is trying to hide something often reacts like this when they are in the process of being found out. I think me remaining calm made her worse and she slammed the phone down but not before telling me that she’s going to Jack’s school next week and that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea if I’m there too as Jack will cling to me again.

Yes, I’ve emailed Kiran to tell him. No she didn’t thank me for the birthday card but she did call the children earlier to thank them.

By the way, the Financial Dispute Resolution hearing (FDR) has been successfully moved to November. There’s just too much information still missing for it to go ahead now. I really wish it was still going ahead, I just want all this sorted out.

Paul x

Hiya Paul

You’ve been on my mind so I thought that I’d email. Any news from Kat’s solicitors about the flat or her mysterious overseas bank account? Did she thank you for the birthday card?! 

You make me smile! Photo attached.

He told me in all seriousness that he is looking forward to tomorrow because he has a new friend called Harley who hasn’t been to Kindergarten and so he will have to show him how to play properly with the other children! He considers himself to be one of the big boys as he knows the school!

We’ve got a new parents evening next week - a bit of a social jolly - and a morning in school with all the children so they can show us their new classroom and what they’ve been doing.

And before you ask, yes, I have sent Kat a birthday card from the children.

Px

Send me a photo! I bet he looks gorgeous in his uniform!!

Don’t worry about Kat - she was bound to be there, had to be seen on her son’s first day, and she’s always got her knickers in a twist about something. Let her be and concentrate on your handsome boy.

XX

Hello

Sorry. Jack loved his first day - can’t wait to go back.

Kat was there for him but she chose to stand with Michelle and David, whereas I was with all the new-to-school parents from the Kindergarten. Jack wouldn’t leave my side despite Kat’s urgings so to be honest, I felt rather awkward about the whole thing. He did give her a peck on the cheek before he went in but after he’d gone, she just stalked off without saying a word. I wonder if she knows about our questions about Aunty Carol’s flat?

Paul 

Well, how did it go? I didn’t hear from you.

Sxxx

Hiya

How’s Jack feeling about tomorrow? Give him all my love and get him to call me tomorrow night!

Sxx

Hello Sarah

I’ve called Kiran. He’s going to write to Sarah’s solicitors and request a copy of the Will. He said Kat has an “ongoing duty of disclosure” and whilst we may not financially benefit from the sale of the flat, the fact Kat will have this additional money is important as it means she has means to support herself - and therefore can afford to pay a fair maintenance for the children.

I’ll let you know what her solicitors say.

Paul 

Hiya Paul

Never fear, your big sister’s here! I’ve been doing some investigating. There’s a flat for sale in Brighton online that is remarkably similar to Aunty Carol’s - I’ve sent you the link via the website. I called the listed agent pretending to be interested in purchasing it and he mentioned that the owner had two young children. Doesn’t sound much like Kat’s mother! You have to tell Kiran about this - it’s about the principle of things as much as the money. Your soon-to-be-ex wife is devious and consistently trying to do you and the children out of what is rightfully yours.

Do it. Call Kiran.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah

I’ve thought a lot about your comments about Aunty Carol’s flat and I think you may be onto something. Why would Kat mention it specifically? Oh gosh. Why does everything associated with Kat seem so complicated? The ‘secret’ bank account in Mauritius, the book deal, and now this.

I was telling Tim and Claire about it all over the weekend and they were completely bamboozled by her actions. I don’t know what I’ll discover next!

P x

I’m more interested in why she mentioned the house… they wouldn’t have read the will yet so how do they know to whom she left the house?

I’m sorry that you’ve been pushed out, I know that you liked Carol, but are you sure that there isn’t more to all this?

Sarah x

Sarah

Sometimes you really push it, you know? Of course I didn’t. Carol was her sister so I was hardly likely to mention it. I did call Kat though. I felt that I should but she was ever so off on the phone. I put it down to her being upset but now I stop and think about it, I’m not so sure. After I’d passed on my condolences, she said how she knew that I wouldn’t be able to make the funeral because I’d be looking after the children for her and that the house had been left to her Mum.

Now I think about it, it was a clear message that I wasn’t invited to the funeral.

That makes me feel very sad. I always got on very well with Carol.

Paul.

Paul

So sorry to hear this news, she was a fun person to be with - not that I’ve seen her for years but I remember her at the Christening. Such acerbic wit!

It was lovely to Kat’s Mum to call you - did you ask her about the £20k she received from Kat last year?!!

Sxxx

Hello Sarah

Sad news. Kat’s Auntie Carol has passed away - the old lady with the flat on the seafront in Brighton. The children will be so upset - they loved watching the waves from her front windows and eating doughnuts on the pier. Kat’s mum gave me a call an hour or so ago to tell me and asked that I didn’t tell the children as Kat wanted to do this over the weekend. I completely understand. Kat and Carol were ever so close. I didn’t realise that she had been very ill - if I had known, I would certainly have been down there to visit.

Paul

Thanks goodness Kiran insisted that a forensic accountant got involved. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Kiran is worth his weight in gold and I am so pleased that he is proactively supporting you through all this. I don’t trust Kat one inch and all this is proving that my instinct is right.

Keep in touch, little brother. My thoughts are with you

Sarah xxx

It appears that Kat paid her parents £20,000 each last financial year for services to her business. There is no clear reason why. The response from her solicitors is that it was for clerical work and for her Dad being her chauffeur and “delivering other handyman services”. She didn’t once mention this to me so Kiran is going to ask more questions. It could be that she paid them the money and they have been giving her cash back as a way of avoiding tax, we just don’t know. But something is wrong here.

By the way, the advance on the book may have greater implications than just the money. It could indicate that the value of her business is greater than she stated, particularly if we take her professional reputation into account, and if the book is written, and it’s a success, the copyright on the book would become a business asset.

Her solicitors are still clarifying payments made in Mauritius – they better come up with a good explanation.

There is a lot that Kiran needs to look into.

Px

I know that she is a well-respected psychiatrist but I’m still very surprised that she got an advance for a medical book? I wonder if it’s something more - a springboard into a career in public speaking or the media? There’s no way Kat would write a dry, medical book… very interesting.

What about the payments to her parents. What did Kat’s solicitors say about that?

If she has moved money to an offshore account and never told you then she must have been planning for your separation for some time.

Sx

I forgive you Sarah and after some of the things she’s said about you, you have every right to comment.

As I explained on the phone, the forensic accountant discovered a substantial payment from a publishing company as an advance on a book that she is writing. This was not mentioned on her Form E - the financial disclosure form - as it was paid into a new bank account related to a new business that she has recently established. As soon as Kiran saw this entry on the report, he sent a list of questions to her solicitor and their answer states that the business was set up and the deal signed after she left the marital home, so she did not think that she needed to declare it. Kiran is very clear that yes, she should have told us and included the payment as we are still married, and this is very much still part of the matrimonial assets.

Kiran also noticed that there were expenses paid out in Mauritius about 18 months ago as well as some money moved into an unknown account. The payments coincide with dates that Kat told me she had a conference in the South of France for a week (she said she only went to part of it and worked on her tan for the rest). Kiran wonders whether Kat went to Mauritius and moved funds to an offshore account. He’s got some contacts in Mauritius and is going to investigate the sort codes on the money transfers. He has also written to her solicitors and we are waiting to hear back.

Px 

Paul, once again, I didn’t mean to offend you but her behaviour recently has not exactly been as you would expect from a wife, mother, or senior consultant. But I apologise if I’ve upset you.

What’s the book about?

Sarah xxxx

Sometimes you go too far. That’s my wife you’re talking about.

Firstly, please don’t tell me that you are surprised that the forensics found something. We talked about this when you were here - you were always suspicious about her Mum and Dad. But a book deal? What’s all this? Is it to write a steamy, sex-filled novel based on her life?!

Sx

Hi Sarah

Back from my lock down days to a letter from Kiran outlining the main points of the forensic accountant’s report into Kat’s business. There are a couple of areas that concern him. We spoke on the phone and I’m going in to see him after work tomorrow before the children come home on Saturday.

In short, it looks like Kat made a substantial payment to her parents last financial year and has signed a book deal. This wasn’t clear in her initial statement.

Paul 

At least a restructure will give you something to get your teeth stuck into. Is it a positive or negative move for the business though?

I heard from Lucy yesterday, there are pictures of Mauritius all over Kat’s Instagram. Looks like she’s kept her promise though and there weren’t any of the children (apart from a leg, which even I will agree doesn’t count!).

Sxx

Sarah

I do feel flat. Had a good night out with Tim but now that the cricket and Tour de France have ended, the evenings seem long. I’m contemplating going swimming tonight - exercise needed to work off those extra holiday pounds! Boy, is the food so good in New England!

There’s also a restructure on the cards so work will be busy whilst I deal with that: and it will keep me occupied for a while. We’re going “off grid” for a few days next week so we can talk about it in lock down mode. So don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me.

Kiran rejected her offer and she rejected mine. To be honest, we were miles apart so I’m not surprised. Kiran wrote to me after the holiday and then I called him to talk it over. It all makes sense. We just need these auditor reports on her business.

Px

Paul- are you OK? you sound a little flat? Probably post-holiday blues.

What happened to that offer that Kat made to you? I know you weren’t impressed with it and that Kiran was going to reject it but what happens next?

Sx

Hi Sarah

The children messaged to say they’d arrived safely.

But back to work and back to reality.

The auditors reports are due back any time now - Kiran will go through these with a fine toothed comb when they do and I’ll meet with him to discuss further.

Paul

Yes! Saturday is arranged.

Thanks Sarah. We had a fantastic time with you all and had the break we needed. I’ve not seen the children so happy for a long time and we had the best time.

Thank you x

Hi Sarah

I’m still laughing over the photograph - you can even see the crab at the bottom of the picture. So funny!

Not a lot has happened in my absence. Well, Kiran has been keeping things moving but what I mean is there is not a lot to report. The forensic accountant has finally viewed the financial documents of her company - she kept making excuses as to why he couldn’t see them and Kiran had to get tough. We should get his report in a couple of weeks after which we can get the tax report. The house and pension valuations are complete.

They leave for Mauritius tomorrow and whilst I know the children will have an amazing time, I know that I will really miss them. I have never been away from them for so long.

Paul

Sarah - I wish you could have been there to see for yourself.

She did start out very professional but as she lost various arguments, you could see her visibly get more frustrated with her solicitor, and the looks she gave her Counsel!

I’ll give you an example. Kat was arguing that we had no right to ask questions about financial expenditure going back more than two years, however, our team pointed out that 8 years ago she withdrew £150,000 from the business and she has not successfully shown us where that money went. The Judge agreed, determined that the forensic accountant should go back 8 years. Kat looked furious and started whispering to her solicitor frantically.

I started to feel sorry for her but I just want things to be transparent and fair.

Paul

...and the likelihood of him sleeping apart from her for two weeks?

Paul, I know that’s blunt but you’re not stupid.

But if she’s following the letter of the law and being “reasonable”, I guess that there is not a lot we can do about it.

It hasn’t always been easy being married to her and I bet it’s a lot worse going through all this.

See you in precisely 2 days time for a proper hug.

Love you

Sarah xxx Paul, I know that’s blunt but you’re not stupid.

But if she’s following the letter of the law and being “reasonable”, I guess that there is not a lot we can do about it.

It hasn’t always been easy being married to her and I bet it’s a lot worse going through all this.

See you in precisely 2 days time for a proper hug.

Love you

Sarah xxx 

Finally a response from Kat. The letter states that the boyfriend is going on holiday with them but they have reserved a three-bedroomed villa for the duration of the stay.

Kiran says that whilst this isn’t ideal, she is being upfront and it’s reasonable to expect her new partner to want to holiday with them. In fact, they are being understanding by renting a place with 3 rooms when really they only need 2.

Paul

Still nothing.

I’ve got my US$ and the children have new suitcases. They are very excited about having 2 holidays and see it as a badge of honour. Bless them. It’s wonderful to see them so happy: they’re really keen to see their cousins again.

Paul.

Oh Paul - I cannot wait to see you and hug you in person. Kat is not a nice person and these games are mean.

Sarah

Hi Sarah

Kiran has still not heard back from Kat’s solicitors. He thinks that they are playing games and may even be waiting until I’m in Boston before they respond to my question about Kat’s Mauritius holiday arrangements.

Any ideas?

Paul

I just got off the phone from Kiran who advised that he’d received a settlement offer from Kat’s solicitor. He told me the number. It’s ridiculous - it doesn’t give me enough money to live on and there is no way that this covers the value of half of the house, let alone any part of the business.

We knew this would happen and Kiran reminded me that we still needed to wait for the Forensic Accountants report. Apparently, the investigation has still not started.

Kiran said he’d handle it whilst I’m away and not to worry. He said to say hello to you and to make sure that I had a rest.

Taxi will be here shortly so I’d better go. We can discuss all this in person.

Paul x 

Travel safely! I’ll be there to pick you up. No sign this time ;) ;) !!!

Love you

Sxx

We’re on our way in the morning. I am so pleased that we are finally heading over the Pond.

Paul x

She’s said yes: it’s agreed in writing and she will drop the passports in to me this weekend! We can come for 2 weeks as long as we stay with you. Thank you so much for finding those flights.

The letter also stated her intention to take the children away for 2 weeks to Mauritius and asking for my permission. I don’t mind about the holiday but what about her new boyfriend. Will he be going too? I don’t want them going with him and even more to the point, I don’t want them seeing Mummy sharing a bed with a man that’s not Daddy. I’m not prepared to have that conversation with them.

Paul. 

Nothing is straightforward. Book those flights so you have something to look forward to. Speak to Kiran about the boyfriend question. You may find that you don’t have a say about it… or you might!

Sxx

Just to stop you nagging at me… Kiran is writing to Kat’s solicitor to ask the question. I need her permission in writing (and she has their passports).

Paul

Talk to Kiran. Do it today!

I want to see you all. Do it for my gorgeous niece and nephew if for nothing else!!

Please Paul

Sx

Sarah

I would love to see you but I don’t think I can take the children out of the country without Kat’s permission.

Sorry.

Px

So Paul - are you going to come over or not? I’ve found a last minute deal on flights…

Sxxxxx

Paul

I am not suggesting that you start a new relationship - just find someone to go out for the evening!!

If you want to be that careful, why don’t you take a male friend and make a joke of him being your plus one? That way, no-one will cast any aspersions and you can remain “faithful” to Kat, mentally and legally.

Whatever you do - make sure you go to that ball. You need an event to look forward to and a good night out will do you a world of good.

Sx

I don’t know any single women. Well, that’s not true, there are a couple of school mums who are single but I don’t feel it’s appropriate to ask them. I remember reading somewhere that if I have a relationship whilst still legally married, it is considered to be adultery. http://reluctantdivorcee.com/

Paul

Hi Paul

a) Yes! Of course you should go. It’s a great night out and you need some fun

b) Do you know any single females you could ask to be your plus one?

Sxx

Hi Sarah

Another conundrum for you - the end of year school ball. Kat and I attended last year and it is a great night - despite her spending far too much money in the charity auction. The children are with Kat this year and there is a part of me that would like to go to the ball. Should I go? Do I go alone - I have been invited to join a table - or do I take someone? I have no desire to have a “date” and I worry that if I take someone, everyone will assume they are my girlfriend.

Paul

Sarah

It’s started. Kiran called me this morning to advise that he’d received a letter from Kat’s solicitors asking all sorts of questions. It arrived on Friday but he decided not to call me until today as he knew that I’d worry about it all weekend.

I should have known this would happen - she was so upset after the Maintenance Hearing, I knew she’d start something. I’m going to have to call Kiran back, I can’t even remember what he told me it was about.

Paul

Paul

Take a deep breath. You said it yourself that she’d do something to get back at you and she has acted as you predicted. It sounds like Kiran knows this is the sort of thing that would worry you and he’s on your side, protecting you. If he didn’t know you very well, he would have called on Friday but as it is, he waited until today.

Call Kiran and talk it over with him again.

Sxxxxx 

Paul - don’t go there. I can hear the despair in your voice and it worries me. I really think that you need to talk to someone about this - anyone. Can you call Phil or is there a friendly Mum you can chat it over with? Or a professional?

I know this is a massive change in your life and I know that you are lonely. But this is your new reality and you need to fill the time and make sure that you are in tip top condition when the children come home. If you’ve been feeling sorry for yourself all weekend, there’s a chance you won’t be on the best form.

I’ll call you - we need to talk.

Love you Paul.

Sarah x

I just want it to go back to the old routine when I was taking them to ballet or to the swimming pool or park. My life was my children and without them, I feel lost - Even though it’s only a few days.

Phil and I talked about this last week. Cass gave him a pass but just not for this weekend. I think that’s the point - it’s because I have time, without any commitments, that I’m struggling as there is nothing to frame my “time off”. I have a whole two days with nothing that I have to do. I don’t feel like going for a walk on my own or heading into London - there feels like little point doing things solo.

I am not interested in meeting anyone at the moment, the kids and I are just not ready for this. In any event I can see how Kiran is making enquires into Kat’s boyfriends and I would not want to subject anyone to be involved in our divorce case. If I were in a new relationship that could have a bearing on the financial settlement – whilst I am not ready to meet someone new I just don’t want to complicate matters too.

Paul.

Oh Paul - this is when I feel so far away from you. If we were closer, you’d be out with us - and I know a few single women who would just love to meet you!!

My suggestion would be to get out there - go for a walk, drop in for a quick drink, go to a museum or gallery. Is there any cricket on? Could you head into London? There is so much for you to do.

What would float your boat?!

Sarah

Hi Sarah

Not really sure what to do with myself this weekend. The children are with Kat and I’m at a loose end again. Phil has football duties and a family event; Tim is away on a cycling break.

I know you will tell me to embrace this time for myself but it’s not that easy with the whole weekend ahead of me. My focus has been on the children for so long that I just do not know anyone without family commitments on a Saturday and Sunday.

Any ideas?

Paul

Paul

Pick up the phone and tell Kiran about these changed plans. I am sure it would help him to know all these small details and you never know, the fact that she’s changed the children’s plans so early on in the process, may play in your favour at some point.

Also, have a think about what you will do with the week. Do you have enough holiday left to take them away somewhere? Even a long weekend would be lovely for you all.

Sx

Hi

She sounded genuinely sorry to have to ask. I like to think better of her than you but I have a niggling doubt about why she was so pleasant on the phone, particularly in light of how she reacted about the whole school issue.

I am also conscious of the court appearance and wondering if that has anything to do with it. It’s so important that I get my point across about needing financial support and I do wonder if she is lulling me into a false sense of security before hitting me with the next low blow at the FDA? I was feeling so confident with how the Judge granted our requests and now I am getting nervous. I wonder what games Kat will try to play?

Paul

Hi Paul

She phoned to ask? That’s a first! I’m really happy for you - it’s hard when they are away from you for a long period - but how typical of Kat. Shirking her parenting responsibilities as soon as she gets a better offer. I bet she’d already said yes to the conference before she even asked you to have them. Do you think she’s up to something?!

Sxx

Hi Sarah

Interesting day. Kat has asked that I have the children over the late May half term. As I had them for the majority of time over Easter, she was going to take them for this holiday. Apparently, she’s been invited to speak at a conference in the Middle East and so phoned to ask if it was convenient.

Paul

One of these days I’m going to come to St Albans and give that solicitor of yours a massive hug. What a man!

You go, Paul!!

Sx

Paul

Hiya

Sorry this is late but I wanted to take the children to the park tonight: got to make the most of the sunshine - I bet June is a washout!

After a discussion, it was agreed that Kat would draw down £35k to pay for my legal costs. We asked for £50k but Kiran had warned me that this was a starting point and I should expect to receive less than this. £35k was about right. That’s another huge weight of my mind.

As for what happens next, well that’s an interesting question. We have an FDA meeting in a few weeks time after we receive the expert reports and this is when we look at outstanding disclosure issues, but if there are none we can start to talking about settlement proposals. However, as we were leaving Kat’s Counsel came up to me and said to expect an offer soon. I was quite pleased with this as I really don’t enjoy having to go to court but Kiran advised that we should wait until we get the forensic reports before accepting any offers. His gut feel is that they are only making an offer because they are worried that we may uncover something that would go against Kat.

Paul

Ooh - the intrigue! I bet she is hiding something and I can’t wait to hear what!!

I’ve reread your email to me - you said she got “loud”. Was this your subtle way of saying she shouted at the judge or did she do her “I’ll raise my voice until you listen to me” thing?!

Sxx

Well done Paul! I am so proud of you!

I wish that I could have been a fly on the wall to see Kat’s face when she was cross-examined!!

Was anything said about paying your legal costs?

What happens next?

Sxx

I know. Kiran said that he could tell that her business meant a lot to her. He also pointed out that the original statement agreed to the forensic accountant but it had been crossed out and amended in writing. He thinks that she only told them to dispute this when she met them this morning as they hadn’t got time to print out a new version.

Got to go in now. P x

Paul - what did you expect? She’s not going to make this easy and she’s always been very protective of her business. She dotes on her “baby” after all - more so than her real children. Trust the experts, they’ll support you.

Sxxxx

As expected, I guess. Kate refutes most of our applications including for a forensic accountant to analyse her business accounts and for a valuer to review our pensions. She says this isn’t relevant to our divorce.  

A quick one - not only is it the same Counsel as last time, we’re in the same room too. Small things that help with the old anxiety. I’ve just been handed Kat’s position statement and need to read it through.

More soon.

Px

Hi Sarah

Hearing Day. I spent a lot of time last night re-reading all of our submissions and supporting documentation and I feel comfortable. Kiran called to check on me and suggested we meet for coffee beforehand: he knows I don’t like arriving at court on my own so I took him up on the suggestion.

I also have the position statement that the Counsel writes - there was a note with it about the high quality of Kiran’s submission; it’s reassuring that the Barrister thinks so highly of Kiran too. I had to approve this submission but all was fine - it summed up the situation perfectly and really “got” me and my desires for my family.

I’ll keep in touch like last time.

Just be yourself, Paul, and all will be fine. You are prepared, you know the Counsel, and Kiran has asked the right questions. So good that they understand you - that is so important when you are sharing so much that is personal. I know that it’s not easy for you.

Email me when you can - don’t forget that you can access wifi from your phone!!

S xxxx

I’ll keep in touch like last time.

Hello Sarah.

I am tired but I want to share the day before I stop. I was nervous but it was strangely comfortable once I was in the room - I suppose I am used to it from disciplinary hearings that I have to deal with at work, although when the court is talking about you personally, it’s very different from a business situation.

I was sworn in before being questioned by my Counsel and cross-examined by Kat’s. The same happened to Kat. It helped that I knew my Form E (the financial disclosure form) inside out and back to front so that I was able to answer all of the posed questions - Kat definitely struggled with this. She was confident and came across really well at first but she couldn’t rationalise her spending levels nor justify why she shouldn’t support the children financially. She got a little bit “loud” at one point but the judge kept it in order and fairly amicable. I suppose that it is a bit of a role reversal in that I’m pursuing her for maintenance, when usually it’s the female chasing her husband.

So the outcome… well, most importantly for me at the moment, the judge agreed that she should pay interim maintenance for me and for the children, and she should continue paying their school fees. I was over-the-moon as I’ve had to be so careful with money. Not that I plan to go out partying but I know I have enough to pay the bills and get the kids some new uniform for the start of term – I pretty much got what I asked for. Spending time coming up with reasonable figures and the being able to explain the rationale behind them for my form E really paid off. I am sure that Kat will complain about the level of maintenance when we get to the First Directions Appointment (FDA) in a few weeks’ time.

Kat tried to fudge the question when asked to explicitly confirm that there are no other accounts or assets that she hasn’t accounted for on her Form E. Our Counsel tackled her on this during cross-examination and she finally admitted another credit card and a new pension.

Because of this, she had to concede that we do need experts to prepare reports into our financial affairs. The court has appointed a forensic accountant to scrutinise her business accounts plus agreed to a tax expert, a house valuer and a pension valuer. We did really well getting the expert instructions underway because the hope is that more progress can be made ahead of the First Appointment Hearing (and to also potentially use it as an FDR [Financial Dispute Resolution Hearing] where a judge gives an off the record indication of the possible terms of settlement)

I think that’s it. I’m going to sit quietly for a bit before I collect the children. Clear my mind.

Paul.

Just a quick one to say that the children are coming back at lunchtime! An unexpected but welcome pleasure - they weren’t initially home until this evening. Can’t wait to see them!

They will distract me from thinking about the Maintenance Hearing!

Px

A weekend without my children is hard but I see your point. I suppose if I finish the chores today then a day of cricket and a pint or two would be a welcome distraction. My mate Phil will be with his family but I’m sure there will be others around.

I am certainly lacking in vigour at the moment - I feel like I need a rest so I can refocus again.

Thanks Sarah. I needed that pep talk.

Paul 

Hi Sarah

I’m feeling a little bit lacklustre today - probably because the children are with Kat and I’m at a loose end. I’m so used to be ferrying them around here, there and everywhere that I struggle when I’m at the house alone.

I’ve started reading quite a good novel - you would love the intrigue - but apart from that, not a lot is happening.

Paul 

Hello Paul - sounds like my idea of heaven! A few hours without children demanding my attention and time to do whatever I feel like doing without being interrupted? You are a very lucky man right now!

I fully appreciate that this time alone is not ideal, but this is something that you will need to get used to. I bet this sounds like tough love (it is!) but you should make the most of it. Recharge your batteries for when they come home again. You also have a court case to prepare for and you’ll need to be on top form for that. Isn’t there any cricket on? Or could you go for a drink with Phil?

Sxxx

Thanks Sarah - appreciate the support.

Kiran’s scheduled 2 1/2 hours for the hearing - he says we need to ensure we have the time we need to discuss all elements of my case. The usual 30 minutes just wouldn’t be enough and we would be asked to leave after half an hour even if we hadn’t finished.

Kiran’s drafting the submission statement today for me to approve. I’ll let you know what it says when I get it.

Getting nervous now - been doing the deep breathing exercises, which are really helping.

I wish you were here right now. I just feel like I need a little bit of help.

Paul

She loves the school ball too much to move the children! It’s all status with Kat and she just loves to tell everyone which school they go to. I bet she is only doing it to wind you up and try to take back the upper hand.

I really dislike your ex-wife now, Paul - and all this is reinforcing my opinion. Now you get to that court hearing next week and sock it to her. It’s the least she deserves.

Let me know what happens about the school...

Sarah x

Documents have been submitted.

Because time is of the essence, Kiran has done an urgent application to the court and at the same time as filing it, he sent a copy to Kat’s solicitor setting out my position. I hope that common sense will prevail with Kat, and quickly, but if not we will need input from the court. 

I phoned Kiran and yes, he can help. He’s experienced this before and took it in his stride. We can make a specific issue application to court and state that we always intended to send them private and that the funds are there to pay for it.

He’s drafting the documents now and will be back in contact later today.

Why is she trying to drag our children into this?

Px

What?! Since when? The only reason she says you can’t afford it is because of all the money she’s been spending!

This doesn’t sound good.. Do you really think she’ll accept the state place? She is so happy with Emily’s school, why would she say it?

Is this something that Kiran can help you with?

Sarah

One step forward…a huge stride backwards. Story of my life at the moment. State school places were released whilst we were away and Jack was allocated his fourth choice school. I didn’t really think about what schools I chose, and there are some ‘not great’ schools around but as he’ll be going private, like Emily, I didn’t really worry. But Kat has messaged to say that she intends to accept the place as we can no longer afford to send them to private school. But he’s been offered a space at the worst performing school in the area!

What am I going to do now?

Paul darling,

Have a wonderful holiday. Upload some pictures so I can see them in the sea - is it warm enough over there yet? Speak to you when you get back or call me if you need to!

Sxx

Hi again

All went well. The document to gain permission to appoint the forensic account was already agreed so we concentrated on the chronology of events and the statement of issues. Kiran has clearly outlined what has happened so far and importantly for me, my desire to stay in the house. He’s secured the services of the same legal counsel as we used for the Section 37 hearing. I’m pleased about that as the Barrister was decent and very proficient. I like the fact that she’s met me before and knows a little bit about my situation.

He’s added a couple more questions to the questionnaire about her service contracts with the medical companies that she represents. He reminded me that we can ask anything that enhances our understanding of Kat’s financial disclosure and checked that I wasn’t too caught up in trying to understand why I feel her spending is widely out of proportion to our income.

We’re going to meet again after my holiday.

He’s advised that I go away, have a complete break, then come back and read through all the papers thoroughly so I’m prepared when I get to court. I need to be able to clearly state my case and be factual, even under cross-examination, and the best way is to be confident with what we’ve presented. We spent so long doing the Financial Disclosure that I know my budget inside out and I feel it is 100% fair so here’s to a great holiday and some serious downtime with Emily and Jack.

Deep breath.

Paul 

I’m seeing him tomorrow..

I’ve just received the email from Kiran which contains the court required documentation - we need to agree it tomorrow. I will spend a few hours tonight reading through it all.

Kiran has explained what I should expect from the hearing and the set up. Having been to court before, and having spoken to Kiran, I feel prepared.

Paul

How was the presentation at work yesterday? When are you seeing Kiran again?

Sxxx 

Paul - that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you disparage Kat so clearly! “Devious”. She is devious and has been for a long time. I like this side of you Paul. For too long you have just taken everything she’s put you through.

Proud of you.

Sxxx

Hi Sarah

Kiran’s advice was to not get bogged down with questions about ‘why did you go here?’ or was ‘who paid for that?’ He fully appreciates that we are living quite frugally whilst Kat goes to some of the best places in London but legally, this sort of question is irrelevant (at this stage, Counsel may cross examine on these points if we get to trial but we want to avoid that). We are far better investigating missing pensions or hidden bank accounts than worrying about where she is and with whom. I was quite perturbed by this but since taking time to think about it, I can see his point. Kiran explained to me that it’s natural to want to cross-examine Kat at every step of the process, but she won’t necessarily give us the answer because it’s not mandatory to respond apparently! If we start cross-examining her now she will be prepared for any questions that are raised at trial and so it is better to keep our powder dry.

One concrete question I do really like is that she is asked to explicitly confirm that there are no other accounts or assets that she hasn’t accounted for on her form. She can’t lie on a legal document so that should flush things out if she is trying to be devious.

Px